Recently, I’ve struggled with aggression from my four year old. He hits me and most troubling of all, will tell me, “Hit me!” We don’t hit our children and hearing this makes it even more heartbreaking and troubling.
We were having a little cub and mama bear moment on the bed wrestling and tickling when my daughter came in to play too. He got upset and started getting aggressive toward me and said, “Hit me!”. My first instinct is to swoop him into my arms and comfort him, but at these times, he pushes away. In this moment he allowed, although, a bit reluctantly for me to gather him in a spooning position and it dawned on my heart that he is having an internal struggle with self love. I tell the kids all the time to be “kind and gentle” with each other, but I haven’t told them to be kind and gentle with themselves. As we laid there and I cuddled him I said, “It’s okay to be upset, but we can still be kind and gentle to ourselves.” He laid listening and then I realized this needed to be instilled, daily. Self love must be affirmed, daily, for my children.
So, I started, “Can you say, ‘I am awesome!’?” We were whispering at this time…”Can you say, ‘I am a child of God.'”? He repeated each time and I grew louder and we both started shouting and pumping our fists with each affirmation. I started running out of words, but he wanted to keep going so I referenced the alphabet felt board he has above his bed and played off that. “I am”: AWESOME, BRIGHT, COURAGEOUS, DETERMINED, ENOUGH, FUN, GRACIOUS, HOPEFUL, INSPIRED, JOYFUL, KIND, LOVABLE, MEANINGFUL…and so on! He LOVED it! A bit later he was standing in the mirror and I said, “Can you say, ‘I am Trevor!’?” He repeated me and then said, “I am awesome!”–on his own and we started again.
We had a great rest of the day with connecting and it seemed as though a veil was lifted from his face. We will be doing this daily.
Below, I’ve added what I have begun to use as a guide for us.
“I am a child of God. I love because He first loved me.”
I am..
A-AFFECTIONATE, AWESOME
B-BOLD, BRIGHT
C-COURAGEOUS
D-DETERMINED
E-ENOUGH
F-FUN
G-GRACIOUS
H-HELPFUL
I-INTENTIONAL, INTELLIGENT
J-JOYFUL
K-KIND
L-LOVABLE
M-MEANINGFUL
N-NOBLE
O-ORIGINAL
P-PATIENT
Q-QUALIFIED
R-RESPECTFUL
S-SINCERE
T-TALENTED
U-UNIQUE
V-VALUED
W-WORTHY, WONDERFUL
X-I AM TREVOR (NAME)
Z-ZEALOUS
My wonderful handsome boy!
Naps Under the Magnolia Tree 